Never would be the answer
With this week been baby loss awareness week ,its a good week to see other people sharing their story’s and experiences.
One thing this has sadly highlighted for me is how many Angel mums feel like they are frauds because they lost early on and that they did not get to hold or “birth” a baby. I only say Angel mums as every post I have seen regarding this subject has been from them
Early losses like Ectopic/Miscarriage don’t get a lot of recognition, theses types of losses are often brushed off because the main focus seems to be still birth/neonatal.
If we take a look at some statistics:
As a dad to a neonatal loss I find it hard to believe that any loss should be relegated over another loss. All losses should be equal in terms of the devastation caused and no one should feel ashamed of their loss . During pregnancy & infant loss week we see a big push on stillbirth which tends to over shadow the other losses and reinforce the very big taboo around earlier losses . I find this highly dangerous to all the parents who suffer such losses. I was having a conversation with a close angel mum friend of mine who summed up her experience for me :
It is sad that there is such a lack of support for anyone going through early losses, they don’t seem to get the same attention as some others and that is wrong. In fact in 2018 parents are still being ushered out of the hospital with no support offered and some words of wisdom like “oh you can try again”.
Regardless of medical terminology etc these are peoples babies, I know from exp that when you find out your expecting you have all these hopes and dreams running through your mind , all the plans of what going to happen. When you loose that baby all those disappear and it feels like your heart ripped out.
In my view a loss is a loss regardless of when you experienced that particular loss, Your pain is still the same pain as others. Sad to say but in some circles baby loss has been turned into a competition of who has had the worst experience. It is sad to see this occurring more often than not now and It really hurts me to see this.
So to all of you who have had early losses, they do count , they are your babies and more importantly your grief is no less than anyone else’s
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Angel Dad, Graphic Designer,Trustee